Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
