So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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