For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
