He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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