she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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