I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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