i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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