im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
