Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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