I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Pants are for mortals
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
