Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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