Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
