If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
