She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
