I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
