I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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