you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
