I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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