this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
