Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
