I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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