the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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