guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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