he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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