Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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