so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
