how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
