he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Mom said you looked used
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
