I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
