Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
