So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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