Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
