It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
