I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
