Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
