Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
