I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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