Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
