but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
