how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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