i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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