i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
