Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
