Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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