Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
