Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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