I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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