Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
