You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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