this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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