It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
