it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
