did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Houston, we have a blender
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
